Conflicting Truths
by RachelRob
Summary: Rikkis's Dad is far from perfect but he tries his best. What more can she really ask of him? 'I should probably put some trigger warnings on here but I don't want to spoil the story, so just know that it is pretty dark.'
1. Love isn't perfect

I have no idea what time it is or how long I've been here, floating on my back staring at the sky through the opening in the roof of the moon pool cave. It must be past lunch time though and that means school will be getting out soon. I need to get out of here, Cleo and Bella seem to get worried when I miss a fall day. If they come looking for me this will be the first place they will look, it's weird how well they know me cause honestly this is always the first place I go.

I left my head up out of the water and lean on to a rock. I bring a finger across my body gently touching my opposite forearm and trace the bruises that run down it. There's no hiding what they are anyone with half a brain could see that the bruises are finger-marks, souvenirs from last nights fight with my Dad. My mermaid form does nothing to hind them and if the others see them, they well freak. They can be so over dramatic sometimes.

I love my Dad more then anything and he loves me, he's my best friend. But he hasn't always had the easiest life. From what I know of his childhood it was pretty rough always in and out of foster care and I know he blames himself for the divorce with my Mum and what she did 4 months later. He's always had a temper he tries to keep it under control but when he loses it; it's like my Dad is gone and he's a completely different person.

Cleo and Bella wouldn't understand they would think it was like abuse or something. It's not like that we have more good time then bad ones, he's trying his best to be a good Dad and that's all you can really ask of anyone, right?

I keep my eyes open as I dive under the water. The way the light glistens off the ocean floor takes me back to when I was a kid 6 or 7 maybe sitting under the night sky with Mum at one side and my Dad at the other, wondering if there was a God. I remember feeling smaller and more insignificant then I had ever felt before but at the same time more loved then ever. I feel that way now 'conflicted'.


	2. Breathing under water

I haven't been swimming with the others for 11 days now which has to be the longest Cleo and I have gone without swimming together since we became mermaids. I miss it, I miss them. I had said I was sick for the first few days, that worked out good because I wasn't in the mood to go to school anyway, But since then I have just been making lame excuses. Telling Cleo and Bella that I had to much home work to catch up on from the days of school I missed or that my Dad needed me to helping with stuff at home. I can see that they are staring to get annoyed with me ditching them and I don't think I can keep it up any longer.

I Stare at my bruises in my bedroom mirror, they are definitely still visible be I'm thinking that by now they have faded enough that the others won't be able to tell what they are. I need to swim with them again. Most of the time I like being alone but the last few weeks every time I would think about Cleo and Bella out there in the ocean without me loneliness would sweep over me like a wave only I couldn't hold my breath for 20 minuets under this one.

I walk out of school with Cleo on my left, Bella and Will laugh with each other just behind us to my right. I look up a Cleo, smile and role my eye at there blatant flirting Cleo grins back at me "So Rikki are you coming swimming today or do you have better things to do?". I pause for a moment, but just a second before replying jokingly "Na, I didn't get any better offers today so I guess I'm in". Cleo spins round to Bella "Rikki coming today." "Finally" Bella laughs out.

Light glistening off Bella's tail that wipes in front of me, I feel the slight pull of the water as Cleo speeds beside me. In this moment as I am swimming with my best friends I feel that wave of loneliness finally break and just now in the deeps of the ocean I can finally breath again.

I burst through the surface of the water in to the moon pool smiling. "Still faster then you." Bella stats "I'm just out of practice." I grin back at her. As Cleo's head pops up beside me Bella's expression changes while her eyes catch my forearm "what did you do?" she asks I look down at the small bruises that scatter it. I shake my head "It's was dumb, I walked into a door last week." I said laughing a little. Cleo lifts her head and looks me right in the eyes "They look like fingerprints." she says.


	3. Desperation is our home

The second Cleo makes that statement my mind flashes back to 12 days ago it had been a crazy night. I had been planning on staying the night at the cafe but after my fight with Zane and the unexplained connection I had made with a tentacle of water I was lose. I just needed to be alone, I needed to think. I remember walking through the front door of my trailer to see my Dad sitting on the couch in front of me. His legs were move up and down like he couldn't keep them still, he was blowing his nose into a tissue and when he pulled it away I saw it was cover in blood. He looked up at me "Rikki, I didn't think you were coming home tonight." my eyes moved from him to the coffee-table in front of him and the 3 thin lines on white powder resting on it.

I looked up at my Dad using all the strength I had not to scream "You said you had stopped." disbelief ran through my voice, He shook his head "It's just one last night." I could see the annoyance and frustration on his face that always seemed at accompany the drug. With his response I felt anger barge in to my soul. I marched over to where he was sitting and tore a small piece from a tissue that lay next to the lines of cocaine and then swiped a small pile of the powder onto it. I balled up the power inside the tissue making a tiny white package and held it to my lips. All I could think was how this time he would know what it was like for me to have to watch the person that loved the most in the world destroying themselves in front of my eyes, this time I would make him feel it.

And that moment was when he shot up grabbing my forearm tightly in his hand. He pushed me up against the wall and slapped me in the face. With this I let the snow bomb of cocaine feel to the floor. With the tight grip he had on my arm he banged my body repetitively into the hard wood behind me, I then felt a sharp pain burst through my gut as he bough his knee up into my stomach and with this I collapsed to the ground. He stood over me and when I looked up at him I remember seeing his eyes glassy with tears. I wasn't anger on his face but desperation and as he stared down at me he spoke firmly "Your not going to end up like me Rikki, your going to be better; never again." I gazed up at him, I didn't move, I didn't speak, there was nothing to be said. He turned around and walked past me, past the drugs and out into the night.

I think back on the memory as Cleo's word crash through my mind "They look like fingerprints." I look up at her and Bella's worried faces. How could I ever explain to them that love doesn't always look like your parents throwing you a birthday party or sitting on the couch with you for a heart to heart talk, for people like me sometimes love was your Dad grabbing you tightly, pulling you up against a wall and pleading desperately with you not to end up like him. They could never understand.

I smile "What are you talking about?" I laugh at Cleo as if she is losing her mind. She looks me right in the eye "Rikki if someone was hurting you you know you could tell us, right?" I nod my head and take a deep breath my face going serious "OK, I have something to tell you guys." I breath out "last week." I pause for a moment before continuing "a door beat me up." and with this I start grinning again. Lying is easy for me in fact right now it flows out easier then the truth ever could have. Bella looks at me and smiles "Alright" she says "but hypothetically if Zane ever did anything to hurt you you promise you would come to us?" With this statement I don't even have to fake my laughter anymore, they thing Zane did this to me! "If Zane ever touched me I would boil him alive." I burst out "But thanks for caring guys." I said beaming. This seems like its enough to satisfy them and just like that the subject is dropped and forgotten. Just like it always is.


	4. The jump rope

As the three of us float together in the moon pool a pillar of sunlight glows down from the mouth at the top of the cave and I wonder what it would be like to stay here forever. "So what are we doing this weekend?" I ask breaking the silence, "I'm going to stay with my Mum, so I can't hang out." Cleo stats "lame." I reply without thinking but they a moment later I add "I hope it's a good weekend for you, I know how much you miss your Mum being around." It's silent for a few seconds till out of know where Bella speaks "Rikki, do you ever see your Mum?" I hadn't been expecting the question and I think about just shrugging it off and responding with 'She's not around.' or a simple 'No.' like I usually would, but I don't know. Maybe it is how much I had miss them this past week, maybe it is everything that has been going on with Zane and my Dad that has me feeling lost or maybe I just want to make sure I still knew how to tell the truth. But whatever the reason I look up at Bella and shack my head "My mum isn't alive, she died 4 months after my parents diverse." my voice shakes a little and I realise that this might be the first time I have talked about this with anybody. Bella's expression turns sad "I'm so sorry, Rikki." she says softly, I just shrugging "It's OK, It happened ages ago." I say trying to keep myself as emotionless as possible I see Cleo's eyes move to mine "How did she die?" she asks her voice timid.

With this question I instantly regret bring the subject up at all, I close my eyes for a second and take a breath. Suddenly I'm not here anymore in the water with my two best friends, instead I'm 8 years old again standing frozen in the hallway of my mums apartment. Looking up at her lifeless body hung limply by one of my jump ropes, One end tied around the rushed ceiling fan and the other around her neck. "Rikki?" I hear Cleo whisper I blink my eyes open "I don't know really, I guess she was sick." I say with a shrug "I should probably get to the cafe soon or Zane will be pissed, I told him I would be in after school today." the other nod and together we swim away from the security of our privet mermaid world and back to the cold reality of the real one.


	5. I just need time

I walk through the doors of Rikki's, Zane is behind the counted. As I approach him he lifts his head up and I see his face. There's a crack running through his upper lip on the left hand side and a black eye beginning to form. I'm not shocked, worried or confused by the sight of him, all it makes me feel is tired. I nod my head towards my office and walk in with Zane following behind me. "Can you get me today's takings so I can do the accounts?" I ask him plainly. He ignores my question and changes the subject "I feel like I have hardly seen you since what happened on the last full moon." I just stare at Zane waiting to see if he will give me a reason to forgive him "I just want to make sure you know how sorry I am, when I said it would never happen again I meant it, I'm gonna put us first from now on." he continues. I take a breath "Zane I love you, but I don't know how much longer I can do this for." I say hopelessly, he's face turns desperate "I just need time Rikki. I know that I can be a difficult person but give me a chance to show you I can change, to show you I'm worth it." I think for a moment I can see from his beat up appearance that he is already having a hard enough day, I sigh before I reply with nothing more then an "OK". With my response I see him relax, his gaze then moves from my face to my forearm.

Zane lifts his hand and gently runs his fingers over the fading bruises on my arm "What happened to you?" he asks in a low voice "I walked into a door." I say looking at him blankly before taking my own hand and tracing the red crescent around his eye that I know from experience will be black by tomorrow "What about you?" I ask. He's expression is emotionless "I fell off my dirt bike." he stats. For a few seconds we just look into one anther's eyes before he pulls me into a hug to which I go easily and we stand there holding each other. As I pretend to believe his lie and he pretends to believe mine. Me and the girls aren't the only ones that share a secret and for me and Zane this is ours. I know what the rest of my friends thing of Zane and I know they think I'm crazy for being with him but this part of us they will never understand. The part that knows what its like to continue loving someone even when they have caused you more hurt and pain then anyone else in your life.


	6. Corpse of you

I blink my eyes open and closed, after 2 weeks of blurry vision through my swollen left eye it has finally returned to normal I lift it up and look at the clock hanging on the wall of Rikki's cafe it reads 10:45am. Rikki told me yesterday that she was going to come in at 7:30am and do the banking but she is still yet to show up. It's pretty normal for her to be late and because I expect it I'm usually not annoyed by her lack of punctuality, but over 3 hours late without letting me know is a bit over the top even for her. I'm gonna have to give her at lest a little bit of a hard time for it whenever she does decide to show up. My eyes rest on the front doors expectantly, I mean she can't be far away, right?

Finally I think as I see Cleo's face appear in the cafe entrance. It was a full moon last night so Rikki had stayed the night and Cleo's house, She must have just decided to spend the morning with them instead of coming into work. I take a breath and try to ease my annoyance, it doesn't matter she's here now I guess. Behind Cleo I see Bella and Will walking in, of course Will was with them. I look at the three of them and waiting for Rikki to come into view but it never happens and I realise that she isn't with them. They start walking towards me and my eyes meet Cleo's "Hey Zane, is Rikki here?" she asks, I shake my head "Didn't she stay at your house last night?" I reply confused, "No, She text at the last minute and said she had family stuff going on and she couldn't make it." Cleo states sounding concerned "She said she couldn't make it." I pause trying to process "on a full moon?" I say slowly. Bella stares at me "So you haven't seen her at all today?" she asks with worry evident in her voice, I shake my head "She was meant to be here over 3 hours ago but she hasn't shown up."

It is silent for a second till hear Will speak "We have to find her, what if something happened to her last night with the water tentacle." he says forcefully as if he's the only one worried about her. I turn to face him "Relax, It's not even 11:00 o'clock yet. I know Rikki she probably just forgot to set an alarm and is still asleep." I say smiling trying to look more calm then I feel. The truth is I'm worried about her too but not because of the full moon or the water tentacle, Cleo's words spin round in my head 'she said she had family stuff going on and she couldn't make it' what worried me more was what exactly 'family stuff' meant. Will looks back at me unconvinced by my telling him to relax and when I turn my gaze over to Bella and Cleo I see they are also sharing his concerned expression "I'm pretty much done with my work for the day anyway so I'll go round to Rikki's place and make sure she's OK." I tell them as if it's the most casual thing in the world, the last thing I want is for them to think about coming along with me. "OK tell her to call us when you find her, just so we know she's alright" Cleo breaths out.

It's a 15 minute walk along the beach from the cafe to the trailer park where Rikki lives but I have walked so fast that it can't of taken me more then 10 minutes. When I arrive at the trailer home that belongs to Rikki and her father I pause for a moment outside and caught my breath, I look around assessing the situation just like I do every day at my own house before going inside. Her Dad's motorbike is parked in front of the small square house which means he is most likely home however the place is dead quick so he's either asleep or he's having a good day and I'm worrying over nothing. I slowly make my way up the steps to the front door and bring up my fist knocking on it gently a few times loud enough to be heard by someone awake but quite enough not to wake up Rikki's Dad if he is asleep. I don't get any kind on response just more silence so I slowly slide the glass door open and take one step inside.

I scan the room till I spot the curly blond mop of hair that is the back of Rikki's head, She is sitting on the ground half hidden behind the couch in front of me. "Rikki" I say trying to get her attention she doesn't turn around or answer so I make my way into the trailer and begin walking towards her. As I walk round the couch suddenly my heart stops in my chest, I stare at Rikki's face that has just come into view and try to keep my breath even. There's a stream of dried blood that has run down the right side of her face beginning at a large gash on her forehead accompanied by a blue and purple bruise lining her jaw running up to her cheek. She doesn't respond to me approaching her at all and her silence and stillness scares me more then to horrific sight of her face. "Rikki?" I say her name again with panic in my voice hoping she will look up at me. But she doesn't move or speak she just continues to stare forward, her expression is blank and her eyes are dead. It's as if her body is still warm and breathing but Rikki's not inside it anymore. I follow her empty eyes to whatever it is they are settled on in front of her. When my eyes land on it, I use everything I have to remain standing up right because what Rikki's eyes are fixed on is her father laying motionlessly on the floor about a meter in front on her. His eyes are open but he doesn't blink or move or Breath. And I stop breathing myself for a moment as I realise I'm not looking at Rikki's dad instead I'm looking at a empty, cold dead body that used to be her Dad but now is nothing more then a corpse.


End file.
